A POSITIVE LIFE Publication by Dr. James F. Hubbard


Goals In Life



You want happiness in your work. You want salary increases and promotions.
They are slow in coming and add to your stress load as you think about them quite often.
You may lose sleep over them as you continue worrying. You want to make a change
but you are locked in. In every field of work there will be likes and dislikes.
There will be joys and successes. There will be problems and difficulties.
There will be good days and bad days. The grass always looks greener in another pasture
but you can't see the weeds at a long distance. Hopefully the pluses will outnumber the minuses.

You want a happy marriage. The same things are true here as in your work.
There is a continuing temptation to give up and find a better mate. Trading mates
is very much like trading cars. You exchange one set of problems for another probably different set.
There are no angels to mate with. We are all human beings with both weaknesses and strong points.
There are no perfect fits.

There are principles available to help a person cope with the stress of daily life.

1. Keep Your Emotional System In Order.

You want to keep your blood stream as clean as possible.
If the inside world is in good shape, the outside world cannot do you in.
Your frustrations and disappointments will have less effect on you.

Read the Stress Basics article.
Take the stress control principles seriously. Exercise everyday and take your vitamins
regularly that speed the cleaning of the bloodstream.

2. Keep The Positives Flowing All The Time.

Think about the nice things that have
occurred during the day. Relive mentally your accomplishments, the friendly words and praise,
the real joys. you received. Let these flow through your emotional system everyday.
If it has been a real bad day, then go back and relive one of the better days.
Sometimes you may have to go way back. In the field of psychology this is called Positive Meditation.
Practice it.

3. Give Positives To Those Around You

Look for nice things to say about your workmates.
Praise them for good work, useful ideas, and friendly words. Spread it on
but not too thick and not too often because it might lose its effect
and be accepted as flattery. Thank people whenever you can. Every time
positive feelings flow through your emotional system you are benefited.
Sometimes it is difficult to find anything nice to say or feel about another person,
especially your mate. Just wait for the time and hop on it. You can also think
about how nice different people have been to you on other occasions.
Run it through your system mentally.

4. Be An Attentive Listener

Initiate conversations with those around you. Let them relive their happy experiences
and successes in a friendly conversation. Ask questions to keep it going. Be attentive
to the not so nice things that have happened to them with some understanding of how they feel.
You are really doing something beneficial for them. You can give yourself credit for
being a real friend. This will be more positive feelings for you.

5.Try To Understand the Negative Words Directed At You

When you read the Stress Control For Teachers you learned that the
adrenal gland releases two hormones into your blood. One called adrenaline
makes you excited and quick. The other called noradrenaline makes you want to fight.
It triggers angry words. When people use ugly words toward you and
demonstrate a fighting mood, their noradrenaline is too high.
They have had some stressful experiences and something you said or did was
just enough to drain their hormone surplus. They will feel more relaxed
after unloading on you. You are a scapegoat for their feelings.

Properly understood, you have done them a favor. When your marital partner
explodes at you, you know they have had a bad day. Smile on the inside and
understand these words for what they are. You might suggest in a friendly,
humorous way that they increase their physical exercise program

6.Try To Control Negative Comments

When you lose your cool too quickly, you can be assured that your
noradrenaline is too high. You need to go take a walk or go and beat on
the Rest Room wall. Since you understand what happened, Apologize to the
person you hurt. Saying "I'm sorry" relieves the emotional wound you created,
but it also runs a positive feeling through your emotional system.
Both the offender and the offended will feel much better.

7.Using Positives In Bossism

Bossism is a trait to varying degrees in everyone. We want to be in charge.
This gives us a chance to plan and direct the activities. A school teacher
is in charge. A professor is in charge. In the working world there is
someone in charge. He has reached this level because he gets things done.

Others are trying to climb the ladder themselves and step on those below them in rank.
This is the working world and we are part of it. The boss is the boss. It is not harmful
to relationships to be nice to the boss. It is not harmful to relationships to try to
impress the boss with your good work. You can even offer a few suggestions every
so often in a friendly manner remembering his position.

When we are in charge and need to tell others what to do, we try to take a
friendship position. We suggest and request but try not to give orders in a way
to promote negative feelings. In relating to friends and family we must deal
with this same effort to run things, to have our way.

Sometimes we give in and go along to nourish the relationship. At other times
we discuss and debate but maintain a friendly stance trying to
understand the other person's viewpoint. At the last resort we simply
agree to disagree and go our way.

  Copyright 2006 James F. Hubbard
All Rights Reserved
May Be Copied For Educational Purposes Only